How to Top: Tips for Becoming a Better, Safer Top in Bed

If you've ever wondered how to cope with performance anxiety during topping, how to top for the first time, or how to make topping less painful, you've come to the correct spot.

Good morning, tops. Whether you're a massive muscular daddy, a playful pup, or a domme with a strap-on, anyone can play the role of a top in bed. Penetrating your partner may be a pleasant way to get close, practise trust, and create a good old sweaty mess. (Just make sure anybody you're playing with has read our bottoming guidelines so you know they're on the same level!) Topping may appear to be a simple task, but it can provide physical and emotional obstacles. While sexual play and adventure are enjoyable, you may not know where to begin — and there are several mistakes you may make while piercing another person that could harm them.

Don't be afraid: with a little planning, practice, and lots of communication and consent, you can compete with the best of them. If you're a curious beginner to penetrative sex, have only ever bottomed, or are an old topping expert, you may always benefit from trying something new and honing your sexual talents. Read on for some recommended practices, but keep in mind that this is not medical advise, and if you have any concerns, see your doctor.

What Exactly Does It Mean to Be on Top?

Let's start from the beginning.

In general, a top is someone who takes an insertive or penetrative role in sex. That can take a variety of forms, including oral, anal, and vaginal. Tops are frequently associated with a dominating, authoritative demeanour, although this is not always the case; tops can also be petite and subservient. You're a top if you insert something inside your partner, whether it's a part of your body or a toy.

How Do I Know If I Am a Top?

The good news is that anyone can win! If you're interested in inserting yourself or a toy inside your lover (or partners!), you're a top.

The more you play, the more you'll discover what role best fits you. Some people are exclusive tops, meaning they exclusively like to perform the insertive position, whilst others are exclusive bottoms, playing the receptive role. Many people are adaptable, playing both top and bottom positions depending on their mood. One effective technique to determine which role is ideal for you is to play with a trustworthy partner and discover what you love most. However, you may just look at several types of pornography and consider which appears to be the most entertaining. (Remember that porn is a dream, and no one, not even porn actors, has the sex you see in their movies.) You may also experiment on your own with toys to determine whether you prefer to penetrate or be penetrated.

How to Get Ready for the Top

Sex works best when all people involved communicate their expectations, boundaries, and preferences ahead of time. Before you get started, discuss what type of penetration you prefer, or what you'd like to try if you're unsure. Listen to your partners and respect their boundaries.

Bottoms should practise additional hygiene before sex, especially if anal pleasure is planned and you don't want to confront excrement. An enema or douching kit may assist ensure that bottoms are ready for showtime and that things do not become too messy, which most people dislike.

Typically, it is up to the bottom to ensure that hygiene is completed ahead of time; but, if you want to be a nice and attentive top, you might offer to give cleaning supplies. You may also want to have a towel under your partner and cleansing supplies available just in case. The bottom has to perform the most of the preparations here, so the least you can do is assist with the cleanup.

Of course, your body should also be clean, unless your companion wants differently. If you plan on inserting your fingers, you should also clip and file your nails.

Dealing with Performance Anxiety While Topping, and How to Top for the First Time

If you're topping for the first time, be prepared to take it slow. Don't expect to go crazy right away — this will be a learning process, so plan on a slow approach with frequent check-ins with your partner. If they aren't having fun, let them know they may take a break, try something else, or finish early.

Staying cool and relaxed will assist the process in a variety of ways. From a physical standpoint, remaining calm will aid the bottom's body in accommodating whatever is being placed. However, it can help to lessen performance anxiety, which has a tendency to worsen over time. If nervousness and anxieties are a concern, consider creating a more calming environment with low lighting, candles, and soothing music. You may even include stretching and yoga in your foreplay. Limit your use of coffee and other stimulants. And if your thoughts go to what may go wrong, try to shift your focus to the pleasure you're offering instead. Praise your spouse, boost their self-esteem, and allow them to do the same for you.

Where is the male G-Spot?

You might have heard that there's a unique region within the buttocks that feels really nice. For those who were born with a penis, this is the prostate gland. While it's difficult to strike with a dick, you might find it easier with your fingers. (Remember to clip your nails.) Begin by practicing on yourself: lube your fingers and then reach behind. It's roughly knuckle-deep, and you'll notice when you strike it since it's really sensitive. Give it a gentle "come here" tickle to get it started. A specifically curved vibrator may also be effective.

The prostate is usually around 2 inches into the rectum, so you don't have to travel far. It's also fairly sensitive, so it doesn't require a lot of pressure to activate. Nobody knows exactly why it feels nice; one notion is that it is just located near neurons that feel good in other places of the body. People who are designated female at birth have distinct internal anatomy, and certain operations require the removal of the prostate, so this may not be a possibility for everyone. However, even without this organ, anal intercourse may still be quite enjoyable.

The simple answer is yes, topping is safe as long as you are careful.

If you're having anal intercourse, you need take some extra measures. In short, bring plenty of lubrication, take it gently, and know your state. You'll need to make sure your dick, or whatever you're using to penetrate, is well-lubricated. Press slowly, check with your spouse to ensure they're okay, and then gradually progress while urging them to breathe. It may take a few minutes for a bottom's body to stretch to accommodate you, so be patient. Going too quickly can be extremely uncomfortable, possibly resulting in excruciating tears that take a long time to heal. Topping can be a high-risk action if you have a STI or are unsure about your status. It is critical to get tested before topping and to reveal your status to your partner. Even if your test is negative, using a condom gives an extra layer of protection just in case. Unless you are convinced that everyone involved was monogamous, using condoms is common sense, good health, and good manners.

Anal Sex and HIV Safety

Knowing your standing is among the most significant components of anal intercourse. It is critical that all parties involved are aware of and disclose their history with HIV and other sexually transmitted illnesses. If someone is unaware of their status, they can reduce the risk by using condoms, PrEP, and PEP, but there is no alternative for regular testing.

You should use a range of techniques to preserve your sexual health, whether you engage in anal intercourse or other types of relationships. However, because anal intercourse includes the exchange of fluids within, it entails a higher risk. A condom or dental dam can dramatically minimise the risk of transferring an illness; nonetheless, condoms can fail in rare situations. They're only one tool in your arsenal. Pre-exposure prophylaxis is another preventive strategy. Although PrEP is commonly thought of as a once-daily HIV drug used to prevent new infections, it is actually a comprehensive set of measures that includes frequent health exams, testing, and education. When all of the features of PrEP are combined, it is nearly 100% effective in preventing HIV transmission. However, you will still be susceptible to other illnesses, and PrEP has been known to fail on very rare instances.

If you or your partner are HIV positive, TasP (Treatment as Prevention) is another good approach to play safely. TasP essentially indicates that someone with HIV is sticking to their drug regimen regularly enough to be undetectable, which means HIV cannot be identified in the blood through testing — and people who are undetectable cannot spread HIV.

You should also be mindful of Post-Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP). That is a tablet you can take the day after having sex if you believe you have been exposed. There are several methods to safeguard oneself while having pleasure in the bedroom, including these three treatment and preventative approaches as well as equipment such as condoms.

What if Topping injures my partner?

Bottoming can sometimes ache in a pleasant way, such as during an intensive workout or massage. Pain can provide relief. For some people, acute pain may be a therapeutic experience.

Injuries can be avoided if you are cautious and communicate with one another.

It's a good idea to check in with your partner on a regular basis with a simple inquiry, such as "How are you doing," "Does that feel good," or "Faster or slower?" Tell your spouse that they can always answer honestly. If they tell you that anything needs to cease, you must obey instantly. Not only because you may be causing injury, but because forcing sex on someone against their will constitutes rape, even if they have previously given you consent.

If anything aches, it's usually your body's method of telling you that something is wrong. So, if your spouse claims they're in pain or has a pained expression on their face, you should back off, slow down, or take a break. Allow your bottom to dictate the pace. If they say it's okay, you can go ahead. Consent is always necessary.

In rare circumstances, topping someone might result in a more severe harm. If you see blood or your spouse is still in agony after you stop, it's time to call it quits. Gently clean yourself up – you may need to assist your bottom become clean — and then relax.

Even if you've taken precautions, discomfort or damage might occur by mistake. It does not imply that you are a lousy leader; rather, you should discuss what happened and what you should do differently the next time. If the pain and bleeding linger after a few days, see a doctor or a free clinic.

Consider it similar to jogging, wrestling, or weight lifting: by going slowly and recognising your physical limitations, you may significantly lower your chance of injury.

How Can I Stay Hard While Topping?

Some people find it easier to maintain an erection during the session. Others, however, may notice their boner coming and going, especially if your bottom takes some time to warm up to you. There are a few tactics you may use to keep it challenging. A cock ring, which applies tight pressure to the base of the penis, is one simple approach to retain blood in your dick; you can even find rings that vibrate to please you both. Cutting alcohol from your diet can also help. You could enjoy having your own sex object inserted so you can bottom while topping.

Some people may benefit from erectile dysfunction medicines. If you have a medical problem that makes it difficult to sustain an erection, consult a physician. It might be difficult to work as hard as you want to, especially as you become older. However, if you're not as hardworking as you'd want to be, that's not necessarily a bad thing. There's no reason you can't take a break and play in a different method that you know gets you going before returning to something more penetrative. One of the finest aspects of being gay is the diversity of sexual possibilities, and penetration is not the be-all and end-all of sex. Play about, try new things, discover what feels best and what your body is capable of, and remember that the goal of sex is to have fun.