Cunnilingus 101:The Top Tips for Giving Oral Sex to a Woman

Whether it's Junior Soprano or DJ Khaled, many heterosexual cisgender men are afraid to give head. In fact, statistically, women are twice as likely as men to not receive head from their spouse. But why? Unfortunately, it is cultural and profoundly ingrained.

Cunnilingus, also known as licking pussy, eating out, going down, carpet chewing, muff diving, and a variety of other colourful terms for conducting oral sex on someone with a pussy.

Why is it named Cunnilingus? Why is it also known as "eating out?"

Cunnilingus is derived from Latin cunnus 'vulva' and lingere 'lick'. Eating out is a slang word that is less obscene than "eating pussy" and sounds more lighthearted than cunnilingus. Plus, if you've ever had the pleasure of eating a vulva, you'll understand how tasty they are! Many people prefer oral sex over penetrative sex because it allows them to see a person's genitals up close. Being comfortable with your partner enhances the experience since you can both relax (which increases the likelihood of orgasms). It may also be easier to redirect a trustworthy partner so that they hit the right targets.

Oral sex, also known as cunnilingus, eating out, going down, lip service, pussy licking, muff diving, or eating pussy, is an acquired skill. You can learn new skills and improve your existing ones to make oral sex intriguing and enjoyable for all parties involved. This guide will help you appreciate cunnilingus so much that you'll start scheduling oral-only sessions with your partner instead of using it as foreplay.

Let’s Talk About the Orgasm Gap

A discussion on cunnilingus would be incomplete without mentioning the orgasm gap. Women orgasm only approximately 63% of the time they have sex, including with a committed partner, while men orgasm 85% of the time. This discrepancy does not exist because female orgasms are difficult or because women are less sexual. These are female sexuality myths. This divide exists because religion and culture have taught us that women are not supposed to be as sexual as males, therefore we never learn about female sexual pleasure. Sex education classes cover male orgasm because it is required for reproduction, but there is no mention of female pleasure or orgasms. The solution to the orgasm gap is pleasure-focused sex education. Sex is a biological necessity, and sexual pleasure is your birthright. We can close the orgasm gap if we all receive enough education on sexual anatomy, pleasure, and sexual thinking. Cunnilingus is one way to accomplish this.

Why is Cunnilingus effective?

The vagina is a remarkable bodily part that can self-lubricate, stretch (or compress) to accommodate a penis (or dildo) of virtually any size, and then return to its original form. It can also help humans enter the planet. Unfortunately, this pleasurable, life-giving bodily component has few nerve endings, especially when compared to its little neighbour.

The clitoris is a tiny genital organ used solely for pleasure. Its sole function is to convert 8,000 nerve endings into waves of pleasure for its user. The clitoris has branches that wrap around the urethra and rub against the vaginal wall (your g-spot). However, the majority of the nerve endings are located on a little nub immediately above the vaginal opening. Most vulva owners experience orgasm through clitoral stimulation, which is why cunnilingus is so successful.

It is vital to remember that each vulva owner is unique, therefore what works for one clitoris may not work for others. Some individuals are more sensitive than others. Furthermore, the sensitivity of a person's clitoris might vary from day to day, so even if your spouse preferred a high vibration yesterday, they may require something else today.

Another reason cunnilingus is particularly good at inducing female orgasms is that it implies that the provider gives, while the receiver's role is to receive pleasure without interruption or distraction. That concentrated, one-on-one attention implies that the feelings are more intense since your mind is focused on your enjoyment.

How to Ask for Oral Sex

Of course, you may always request oral sex at any time. Sending a mid-day text, "I'd like you to go down on me tonight," is perfectly acceptable in a relationship.

Asking can be uncomfortable at times, even if you haven't considered it beforehand. When you're transitioning from making out to awakened sexual desire, you might want oral sex. However, suppose your spouse appears to be preoccupied solely on digital stimulation or desires to proceed directly to penetration. In that scenario, you must have the necessary vocabulary to ask for what you want without interrupting the desire train.

Timing is crucial. Ask when you first sense the need, before your partner misinterprets your excitement and assumes you want penetration. Whispering in your partner's ear between kisses on their neck is effective, as is looking them in the eye and asking for it. Some sentences that work well while asking for oral:

"Can I please have your tongue on me?"

"I'm thinking about that thing you do with your tongue."

"I'd like you to (go down on me, lick my pussy, taste my desire)."

If you're the giver and want to ensure your vulva-owning spouse is up for some cunnilingus, here are some ways to inquire (permission is sexy).

"I would like to lick you tonight. "What do you think?"

"Can I use my tongue here? "(When using your fingers.)"

Cunnilingus is more than just foreplay.

Cunnilingus is more than just randomly flicking your tongue around your partner's clitoris. When you execute oral sex with zeal and add some extra types of stimulation, you can elevate it from foreplay to an event worthy of celebration (and orgasms) on its own. Here are some pointers to ensure that your next round of oral sex makes your vulva-owning lover shiver with ecstasy.

Start slow.

Starting slowly, like with any sexual act, allows your brain (your most significant erogenous zone) to convert from normal to pleasure mode. Kissing, getting a massage, and simply laying naked with your spouse are all effective ways to arouse sexual desire.

However, once things have started, it's critical to go slowly. A woman's clitoris is incredibly sensitive, and as a result, many women struggle with direct stimulation without a warmup. It can also be painful.

Many ladies want to start with their pants still on. Blowing against them, nuzzling with your nose, or rubbing your hand over the thin fabric is a great way to prepare for oral sex. Once your lips is involved, begin by kissing, licking, and nibbling along their thighs, rubbing their buttocks, and allowing a soft tongue brush across her labia.

Smell and taste: what to expect

To paraphrase The Vagina Monologues: "Don't believe them when they tell you it smells like rose petals when it's supposed to smell like pussy."

Everyone has a unique aroma and taste. It could be sweet, sour, metallic, bitter, salty, or harsh. Understand that variety is the spice of life, so don't be alarmed if your lover smells or tastes dramatically different from your previous partner—this is quite acceptable. The scent/taste may also change during the month due to your partner's menstrual cycle. Blood, as well as the white discharge associated with ovulation, can have an impact on how it tastes. However, if you consistently smell particularly strong fragrances (for example, fishy/foul odours associated with bacterial vaginosis), you may need to initiate a health-related conversation with tact and sensual awareness.

Incorporate More Than Only the Clitoris.

Because the clitoris is so sensitive, many women prefer oral sex that includes other regions of the vaginal area. Licking, nibbling, or blowing heated air around the labia or other areas of the vulva, particularly when combined with direct clitoral stimulation.

Listen for feedback.

This is arguably the most vital tip for any sexual activity. Paying attention to how your spouse responds to your touches, kisses, and tongue motions will tell you if what you're doing is effective. Listen for moans, gasps, and other pleasurable sounds. When your partner's body tenses up or their hands rest on your head or neck, you've located a good spot. Spend more time there. Sometimes our spouses do not provide clear feedback through body language or voice. In that situation, soliciting input can help ensure that you both get the most out of your experiences. Ask your partner if they like what you're doing, or offer them two options. Demonstrate moving your tongue in circles and ask if they enjoy it, then switch to flicking your tongue across their clitoris and ask which feels better.

Include Fingering.

Many women enjoy the sensation of a finger tickling their vaginal opening or rubbing their g-spot during oral sex. Introduce this after warming up, and use lots of lubricant. Rubbing a woman's g-spot with your finger and stimulating her clitoris with your mouth is one way that can cause squirting orgasms in certain women. Learn more about g-spot orgasms here.

Experiment With Positions

The usual oral sex position, with one person laying down and the other between their legs, works well for many people, but just because something works doesn't mean we shouldn't try something new now and then. Facesitting is a technique in which the receiving partner sits on the providing partner's face. Using a headboard to grasp onto can improve comfort. Facesitting allows the receiving partner to adjust pressure, vary angles, and feel in control of their climax.

The Kivin technique is an oral sex position in which the receiving partner lies on their back while the delivering partner lies sideways (creating a T-shape). The stimulation is applied from the side rather than straight on, which can feel more severe for certain people. It also enables easy stimulation of the labia and clitoris. The more nerve endings involved, the more intense the orgasm.

The giver can provide oral sex from behind by placing the receiving partner on all fours, as in doggy-style penetrative sex. This position is ideal for those who love digital stimulation of the vagina or anus during oral intercourse.

Add Sex Toys

Using sex toys during oral sex increases sensation, engages additional erogenous zones, and can even give your tongue a respite. To tease your partner's vaginal opening, use a dildo or vibrator, or alternate between your tongue and a clitoral vibrator. If your partner enjoys anal play, a butt plug or anal vibrator can stimulate the sensitive nerve endings at the anal hole.

How Do I Learn What My Partner Likes?

It can be difficult to determine your partner's preferences for oral sex. What feels fantastic one day may be excessive or insufficient stimulation the next. Even while sexual requirements alter, there are a few sites where a vulva-owner finds regular stimulation.

You could ask your partner what they want, but if having a direct talk isn't your preferred sex method, try watching them masturbate. Watching your partner masturbate (with consent) is exciting and could lead to more than just one masturbation session. You'll notice which parts of their labia they stroke and which side of their clitoris provides the greatest pleasure. You'll also learn whether they enjoy clitoral stimulation and penetration or prefer to keep masturbation external.

Play Safe

When playing with a new or non-monogamous partner, you must take precautions to avoid STIs. Many sexually transmitted illnesses, such as HPV and herpes, can spread from the genitals to the mouth. A dental dam is a plastic sheet that covers the vulva during oral intercourse. Dental dams, like condoms, may limit feeling slightly, but the benefits of STD protection outweigh the risks.

Oral sex is an extremely intimate act.

Oral intercourse, which requires your partner to obtain a close-up view of your vulva, can feel more intimate than penetrative sex for many people. If you have difficulty making personal connections or are too concerned about how your body appears to relax and enjoy oral sex, it may be unpleasant for you. Many women are concerned about how long it takes them to orgasm. All of this concern can prevent you from experiencing the pleasure you deserve.