Beginners Guide to Bondage

Bondage is something that has been brought to the forefront of conversation in recent years thanks to the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. Many women, upon reading the book, discovered they wanted to experiment more. Sex toy sales skyrocketed, particularly the fetish items. For many of these women, however, the only information and experience they had was from a work of fiction. As always with anything new, it is important to do some research and learn about it first. This can not be emphasized enough with new sexual encounters, as using the wrong item or making the wrong move can seriously injure someone. It helps to learn the language first, of course, so you understand what these items are for and how to use them.

Handcuffs.

These are generally the first item people buy when wanting to experiment with the kinkier side of things. Many different types exist, but they all serve the same purpose. To render your lover immobile, to a certain extend. These can be used to fix a partners hands behind their back, to the bed head, around a chair or anywhere else your adventures take you. Spreader bars are used to hold ones arms or legs open. Different sizes are available for different reasons. Typically, they are used by more experienced folk. Over the door cuffs are exactly what they sounds like. Cuffs that are suspended from the top of a door. Which ones you start with are completely based on your preference, but should always be used with consent.

Rope.

Ropes are used in sexual activities for different reasons. Some use it as a restraint, some use it as a punishment, others indulge in Shibari. The rope must be smooth, preferably silk to prevent injuries or rope burn.

Blindfold.

Blindfolds are used to exhibit power over a partner. By taking away their sense of sight, the other senses are heightened. Touch, sound, taste become more sensitive then usual, making the body react differently to different sensations, like a wartenberg wheel, tickler, or a paddle. Body chocolate and flavoured lubricants make an exciting, delicious change in the bedroom whilst unable to see. A paddle also serves the ‘sound’ sense.

Bed Restraints.

These are an extension on handcuffs. They allow you to tie your partner down to the bed. There are under the bed restraints available, which as the name suggests, go under the mattress with only the cuffs coming out. Over the bed restraints are ones that tie down on top of the bed. They allow you to immobilise your partner by both wrists and both ankles.

Swings.

Swings can be mounted either to the roof or a door frame. They allow you to have weightless sex, total control and partake in further positions. They are also fantastic for people who have a pre-existing injury, as it helps to take some of the pressure off said injury.

Collars.

Collars give control. You can use them to steer your partner into different positions, lead them around, tie them down or apply slight pressure to the throat.

Nipple Clamps.

Nipple clamps come in many different, beautiful styles and designs. There are ones that simply clamp to apply pressure, some have adjustable pressure, some are weighted and some vibrate. These are beautiful on and should not be painful.

Whips and Paddles.

These are generally used to ‘punish’ the submissive one of your coupling. They can be used for infringements of the set rules, for example, 10 slaps for lifting your head if you were told not to. These make it fun to break the rules, and fun for the person who gets to punish the submissive one.

Other items that exist include sex position enhancers and  restraint kits, which can be useful for beginners. As always, you must have consent to use any of these items on any person. Bondage can make a couple experience much more than just sex together, as it needs complete trust and faith that you will not be hurt, and if you are, you will be looked after.

Now that we understand the items, the dynamic between the couple is next. Generally, there will be a ‘Dom’ (dominant) and a ‘sub’ (submissive). These terms explain their role in this sexual venture, and in no way reflects their actual personality or the usual dynamic of their relationship. The Dom is the one who will do the binding, tying, punishing and rule making. The Sub must follow the Doms commands and desires, in the hopes of making their Dom happy. Examples of rules could include:

• The Sub may not look at the Dom.
• The Sub must not lift their legs off the bed.
• The Sub may not make any noise.

These are example, and only limited by the Doms experience and imagination, and the subs willingness as they must agree to all terms and conditions.

Bondage does not reflect a cruelty in a Dom’s personality. Nor does it show weakness in a Sub. This is their sexual choice to make. Nothing should be done that makes a Sub uncomfortable or scared. A Dom will respect their Subs’ wishes, with the use of safe words. A safe word is a pre-agreed word that will make the Dom cease what they are doing. Some people choose to use a second word that means they are getting close to their limits. This ensures the safety of both partakers, and keeps the activity enjoyable for all.

Bondage is not different from BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) rather it is a part of it. Bondage is used extensively in almost every aspect of BDSM and almost every BDSM play. It is a very popular fantasy type of sex, with different scenes and preferences from different people. A Dom is not a role only a male can play, nor is a Sub a role for women. Some couples switch the power, some play their roles throughout every aspect of their lives and some limit it to the bedroom. BDSM is only one type of sexual activity and how it is used varies greatly between couples and their needs. It is simply roleplaying, involving the getting and relinquishing of control over the partner.

Sadism and Masochism are often confused with violence and torture. Sadism actually got its name from a French man, Marquis De Sade, who was the first recorded author of a BDSM nature. Most of his writings came from the mental asylum he was imprisoned in for 32 years as at the time of writing, his works were considered vulgar and not for the sane. Masochism loans its name from an Austrian man, Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch, who’s work Venus In Furs discusses at length female dominance. At a time when females were still extremely oppressed by their male counterparts, this was a first. He even took a trip to Venice with his wife and had her enact his fantasies from the book on him there where no one could discover their secret. India’s Kamasutra includes BDSM, and is one of the oldest known sexual encounters being practised through to modern day. Drawings have been discovered in Ancient Rome depicting images of a violent sexual nature. Humans have been using BDSM throughout the ages, and it has survived to be enjoyed today.

Couples who can embrace their sexuality and accept what they enjoy will benefit from their acceptance. Whilst some may feel shame at being turned on by BDSM fantasies, it is more popular then you’d care to believe. It is still growing among the younger generations, with people gripping it and continuing to experiment with it.