BDSM Limits: What Are They? Discover Hard vs Soft Limits

The next essay will explain what boundaries are in BDSM and why they are necessary. By the end of the book, you'll know how to communicate and respect boundaries--as well as what to do if your own aren't respected. We've also provided a BDSM boundaries list to assist you figure it out on your own!

What Are BDSM Limits?

In BDSM, a restriction is an action that a person does not wish to undertake. For example, penetration without protection, choking, blood play, or scat may all be restrictions, as could tying someone up in a certain manner. Limits can also apply to equipment or materials, individuals, body parts, locations, or methods of carrying out an activity (for example, rope bondage may be prohibited, but leather cuffs are OK, or paddles are acceptable, but you do not want to be caned during impact play). Alternatively, playing with someone in a relationship whose spouse does not agree with them indulging in BDSM with someone else may be a limit.

Finally, you may decide to limit your partner's ability to leave markings on your body, including when, how, and where. Not everyone can bear abrasions, bruises, or welts.

Hard and soft limitations - A hard restriction is when an activity is completely off bounds (thus the name!). People might also have soft limitations, which are things they are hesitant to do or only ready to try in particular conditions. As your connection and trust develop, you may be able to set some soft boundaries.

Requirement limits - Requirement limitations are a topic that is less usually discussed. These are the requirements a person must meet before participating in a specific activity.

Time limit – A time limit differs from other BDSM constraints in that it specifies the duration of an activity or relationship. For example, time limitations can be utilised in casual play and BDSM scenarios, as well as to indicate how long a submissive's training period will last.

Why Limits Are Important In BDSM

BDSM boundaries are necessary because they help prevent discomfort or injury, such as injuries and triggering responses. It is possible to mistakenly violate someone's boundaries if you are unaware of them, therefore addressing limitations before entering a scenario or relationship with someone might reduce that danger. Of course, BDSM boundaries indicate which behaviours you will be unable to actively pursue.

Some people will claim they do not believe in boundaries [1]. In general, the inference is that they know their partners so well that they don't need to set boundaries or follow safety practices like safe words. However, changes include the ability to discontinue the conversation if required.

How to Figure Out Your BDSM Limits

Some boundaries may be evident to you; these are the hard limits that you never want to cross. You may also have a concept of your soft limitations, which are things that give you pause or that you would only explore with the appropriate people in particular situations.

However, determining your boundaries might be difficult if you believe you are capable of doing everything. Most individuals are unaware of all of the BDSM role play ideas and activities available. After all, the list is nearly never-ending! So there may be things that would limit you if you were aware of them.

Sometimes you only discover your BDSM limitations after trying something and deciding you don't like it. Although these tests ask what you like, you may also use them to figure out what you don't like. You could even want to note your limitations somewhere and use them to start a talk about them with your spouse.

This takes us to the following point.

Using a BDSM Checklist to Learn and Communicate Your Limits

A BDSM checklist is a great way not only to discover your limits but to communicate them with your partner. You can make your own BDSM checklist or download one.

Negotiating Limits

In BDSM, negotiation occurs before joining scenes or relationships, as well as if a party want to modify their past BDSM agreements. For example, you may discover that you are not receiving enough out of your BDSM encounters, and reviewing your limitations might be one approach to address this. bargaining can be quite rigid and require a contract, but many individuals prefer conversational bargaining.

In BDSM, negotiation occurs before joining scenes or relationships, as well as if a party want to modify their past BDSM agreements. For example, you may discover that you are not receiving enough out of your BDSM encounters, and reviewing your limitations might be one approach to address this. bargaining can be quite rigid and require a contract, but many individuals prefer conversational bargaining. Limits are discussed as part of the bargaining process. You might save some time by sticking to scene-specific constraints. After instance, if your scenario incorporates spanking and bondage, you don't absolutely need to include blades unless they're a strict rule.

On the other hand, you may indicate restrictions that could be unintentionally broken, such as touching your feet, or constraints connected to the precise activity you want.

Multiple conversations - In longer relationships, you're likely to have many conversations about your limitations, especially if you reach a point where you want to push them, which we'll address shortly. If you've already discussed safety and limitations with someone, you may need to negotiate less .

When it comes to firm limitations, there is no reason to compromise. However, you and your prospective partner may want to talk about soft boundaries, especially if one of you loves an activity that is the other person's soft limit.

When limits spell incompatibility

Limitations, especially rigid boundaries, may indicate that you are incompatible with a possible relationship. You'll be incompatible when one of you mentions anything as a hard restriction that the other person expects in their kink, sex, or relationship. Sexual contact or a specific action, such as any type of anal penetration, such as anal sex or anal fingering, are examples, although kink is unique to each individual. It is preferable to recognise the incompatibility and cut your losses sooner rather than later. It's nothing personal, and neither of you is incorrect. Everyone has the option of waiting for partners who share their desires (or not).

Consider hard restrictions, such as the decision to maintain an open relationship or not. A partnership cannot function if one person insists on its closure while the other insists on its openness. Compromise can only make you both unhappy.

However, there may be hope if you're talking about a soft boundary and are ready to contemplate exceeding it.

What Does it Mean to Push Limits?

You may hear folks talk about "pushing" or "stretching" their limitations. What does this mean? Pushing involves testing boundaries to see how near you can go to them.

You can push against limitations that aren't quite passed or push past them, which is when a barrier is completely breached.

Some individuals characterise pushing limits as ignoring someone's boundaries; however, for the sake of this piece, we will define pushing limits as the process of extending what you enjoy or can manage rather than blatantly ignoring boundaries. When discussing limitations with others, make sure that everyone uses the same term. Pushing limits is a long process that may happen over the course of a relationship as trust and knowledge grow, or during a scene as your partner relaxes, becomes more aroused, and possibly enters dom or subspace.

If your limit is bondage, you might begin by directing your spouse not to move (mental bondage). After you've become used to this, your partner may tie you with thread, which you can easily break if you struggle, or pin your arms with theirs. Then you could be ready for handcuffs or rope.

This progressive growth is comparable to gym workouts. You gradually increase the intensity of your workouts.

It's similar to warming up your partner; sometimes you only need to be warmed up before being pushed or stretched. Without that warming, you can't really push the boundaries. You can only break through them, which might have devastating consequences.

Discuss first and prioritise safety - You should never push your partner's limitations without first discussing it with them. Even if your spouse accepts to having their boundaries pushed, you must be cautious about how you do it. And if you allow your spouse to test your boundaries, you must believe that they will choose your safety over all else.

Use a safe term - Safe words, in particular, may help guarantee that any boundary-pushing encounter is beneficial. When you successfully stretch your boundaries, you might feel exhilarated, proud, and closer to your spouse!

Aftercare is essential. Even if you do everything correctly, straining your limits might be a terrible experience. It's critical to discuss it with your spouse so they don't violate your boundaries in the future. This is why aftercare for your partner is essential.

Do Limits Remain the Same?

Often, as you explore yourself, your relationship and kink boundaries ease or evolve. As you learn about your own abilities and wants and your confidence in your partner improves, you may become more interested in additional activities or more intense kink than before.

Pushing the envelope may also lead to fresh and unusual ideas. However, you should not view soft limits as wholly adjustable or join a relationship under the notion that you can effectively push past someone's boundaries.

When your limits are not respected

If you haven't already joined a scene or relationship, you have the right to walk away.

If someone has violated your boundaries during a scenario, use your safe word or stop mechanism to halt play.

You can terminate the session at any time, and if necessary, you can seek aftercare. On the other side, you may rightfully believe that your boundaries have been violated and that you need to disengage from the other person for your own protection and maybe notify the police.

Hopefully, this is not the case, and you only need time and perhaps some aftercare.

In certain circumstances, you may be able to make changes and continue with the BDSM scenario, but do not feel forced to do so.

Speaking of which, you do not need to explain why you used your safe word. It is acceptable to use it to end play at any point, even if your partner has not disregarded or exceeded your BDSM rules.

If you are unable to discuss disregarded or broken limits right now, you should not feel forced to do so. However, even if you never experiment with them again, you may want to do so to ensure your partner understands what they did wrong and the gravity of disregarding boundaries.

Common Hard Limits

A few items are usually classified as hard boundaries, meaning that individuals never desire to try them. You're probably not shocked by these hard limit examples.

• Children
• Animals
• Scat
• Blood
• Drugs

However, anything might be a hard limit for anyone, even if it does not appear "extreme" to you.

Common Soft Limits

Common soft boundaries include having your photo taken, which may provide evidence of your BDSM behaviour or disclose your identify, and anal penetration. These are some fantastic examples of soft limitations you may agree on with the proper person or scenario.

Other Examples of Limitations in BDSM

• Being blindfolded
• Wax play
• Gagging
• Flogging
• Being ignored or abandoned
• Tickling
• Financial domination
• Feeding
• Fisting
• Caning
• Gun play
• Suspension

Anything may be a soft boundary, no matter how mild or severe. It may not appear kinky or sexual, either.

BDSM Limits and Other Safety Philosophies

Whether you're talking about hard or soft boundaries, both are consistent with the various BDSM safety philosophies that individuals follow. You may be acquainted with SSC, which stands for safe, sane, and consensual. The goal is to approach each BDSM interaction consensually, with sound mind, and as securely as possible. Discussing and adhering to limitations clearly fits within that mindset.

However, other people have distinct philosophies. For example, RACK denotes risk-aware consensual kink. This abbreviation emphasises that all BDSM is hazardous, even if it is not an extreme practice, and that you should strive to reduce the risk.

Finally, PRICK is an acronym for personal responsibility, informed consent, and kink. Everyone is accountable for their own safety, which includes recognising and discussing your boundaries with your partner. Similarly, it is your job to communicate with your spouse if they push or breach your boundaries in order to prevent this from happening again [3]. However, if you are the dominant partner, you must accept responsibility for your spouse's safety, whether or not you exceed their boundaries.

Edgeplay is when you push the boundaries of safe and consensual kink to the limit. By now, you should understand how to employ BDSM limits to keep yourself and your partner safe. If you were unsure about your limitations, we hope our BDSM checklist and examples of soft limits were helpful.